Taking It Easier In Communication Skills

Good communications between partners and other family members is vital to acheiving harmony in your personal life.  But getting it right can be tricky.

Have you noticed that the more passionate we feel about an argument and the more voices are raised, the less likely it becomes that we will reach common ground?  Taking it easier in your communication style can help stop a situation from escalating into something that may not be easy to resolve.  A good counsellor can help you see where you may be going wrong in your communication with others when you can figure this out for yourself.

Here are some skills to try, that may seem counter-intuitive but that can change the course of a debate.

  • Use attentive silence where you might have otherwise used repetition of your point of view.  This is particularly helpful if when your companion is saying a lot and saying it loudly.  All you need to do to let your companion know that you are paying attention is to stay focused on him or her and nod occasionally, so that the messages of acknowledgment are getting through.  When your companion has repeated his or her argument a number of times, without interruption from you, he or she will almost certainly become calmer and make room for your point of view.
  • When you speak, do it much more quietly and take your time.  When you speak quietly and calmly, it invites your companion to listen more that way, too. The tendency many of us have is to fight fire with fire, raised voices all around and at rapid pace.  It may be that your quiet delivery of your thoughts will further help your companion to respond more calmly.
  • Stay on topic.  Avoid the tendency to complicate the discussion by bringing in other issues that haven’t been resolved.  It is much easier to reach common ground on one matter than it is to tackle a whole collection of unresolved issues.
  • Take time to consider what has been said and don’t  rush to agree, unless you’re feeling comfortable with the outcome.  It’s respectful and constructive to suggest you take a break and come back to the negotiation on the next day or after dinner, if it doesn’t yet feel resolved.  Your companion might not welcome a break, preferring to thrash it out, but it’s reasonable on your part to think about what you have heard and how you feel.  A way to explain this is to say that you are now tired and have a head full of new information and that you need to do some sorting and thinking before you can help to move the matter forward.
  • Practice new skills.  It’s easier to try new communication skills when the debate is about small things like whether to join a gym than when the subject is whether to start in an IVF program.  So start practicing when the debate is not a hot and fiery one, so that when you do face bigger challenges, you have the skills of silence and quiet participation to help you.

Remember to always see a trusted health professional when you are struggling to develop and understand the need for new communication skills.  Using the skills of a professional counsellor will help you achieve your goals much faster.

Rosalin can be contacted by on Phone: -0424 002 640      OR         rosalinprimrose@gmail.com

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Experienced & Trusted Counsellor…

Rosalin Primrose - Psychologist

Rosalin Primrose

MA, Reg Psychologist, FDRP

Phone: 0424 002 640

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